>>>The Source of Forwards>>>

RajniKanth in Catrol Power

2008-08-18T22:55:00.000-07:00

Super Star Rajni In Castrol Power Adv.

Boys will be boys

2008-06-15T04:04:00.000-07:00

A new lady teacher came to teach 8th standard students. As it was thefirst day, she gave her intro, and asked all the students to introduce themselves with name and hobby.

She said, "Let's start with the boysfirst".
Boys start giving their intro...

First boy: "My name is John, and my hobby is to see bubble in thebathtub".Teacher was confused to listen but said, "Interesting. Well, Ok.

In fact we must be honest in telling the hobby. And after all there is essentially a child in each of us. So it's ok John. Yes next" .

Second boy: "Myself Peter and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub".Teacher now got surprised and said, "Good. I like the spirit ofsupporting a friend. Ok next" .

Third boy: "I'm Smith and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub".

Teacher: "Guys are you joking or what? Please be sincere. Ok next".This continues, and the last boy stands up "I'm Harry and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub".Exhausted, the teacher said, "I don't think I will be able to teach immature boys for long.

Anyway, now the girls please" ..F

irst girl: "I'm Julie and my hobby is to see birds".Teacher: "Good. At last I got something different. Ok next".

Second girl: "I'm Ruby and I like to collect perfumes" .Teacher "Now thats like educated grown up girls. Ok next.

You sweetgirl; Yes you...".The most beautiful girl in the class: "M' am, my name is Bubble, and my hobby is to take bath three times a day".

Just For Software Employees

2008-06-15T04:00:00.000-07:00

There was a good old barber in Bangalore . One day aflorist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies:I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service.Florist is happy and leaves the shop.The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a "Thank You" Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.

A Confectioner goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber he again refuses to take the money. The Confectioner is happy and leaves the shop.The next morning when the Barber goes to open hisshop, there is another "Thank you" Card and a dozen Cakes waiting at his door.

A Software Engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber again refuses the money saying that it was a community service.The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there......

Scroll down for answer... . . . . . . .. . . . .....(Believe me it's worth it!!!!!!!!!! )

..................................................

A Dozen Software engineers waiting for a freehaircut... with Printouts ofForwarded mail mentioning about free haircut.

4 MBA Students

2008-06-15T03:57:00.000-07:00

One night 4 mba students were boozing till late night and didn't study for the test which was scheduled for the next day in the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look asdirty and weird as they could with grease and dirt.

They then went up to the dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tyre of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.

Then dean was a just person so he said that you can have the retestafter 3 days.
They said they will be ready by that time. On the third day theyappeared before the dean. The dean said that this was a special condition test.

All four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test. They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last three days. The test consisted of 2 questions with total of 100 marks.

q.1. Write down your name -----(2 marks)
q.2. Which tyre burst -------(98 marks)!!

Japanese Reality

2008-06-15T03:54:00.000-07:00

The Japanese have always loved fresh fish. But the waters close to Japan have not held many fish for decades. So to feed the Japanese population, fishing boats got bigger and went farther than ever. The farther the fishermen went, the longer it took to bring in the fish. If the return trip took more than a few days, the fish were not fresh.The Japanese did not like the taste of stale fish.

To solve this problem, fishing companies installed freezers on their boats. They would catch the fish and freeze them at sea. Freezers allowed the boats to go farther and stay longer. However, the Japanese could taste the difference between fresh and frozen and they did not like frozen fish.

The frozen fish brought a lower price. So fishing companies installed fish tanks. They would catch the fish and stuff them in the tanks, fin to fin. After a little thrashing around, the fish stopped moving. They were tired and dull, but alive. Unfortunately, the Japanese could still taste the difference. Because the fish did not move for days, they lost their fresh-fish taste. The Japanese preferred the lively taste of fresh fish, not sluggish fish.

So how did Japanese fishing companies solve this problem?

Here's what they did:
The Japanese fishing companies still put the fish in the tanks.But now they added a small shark to each tank. The shark eats a few fish, but most of the fish arrive in a very lively state. The fish are active and challenged.

Have you realized that some of us are also living in a pond but most of the time tired & dull, so we need a Shark in our life to keep us awake and moving? Basically in our lives Sharks are new challenges to keep us active and taste better...

Sometimes it could be your unfriendly boss!

Managers are Managers

2008-06-15T03:10:00.000-07:00

A team of young budding Managers were given an assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So the Managers discussed and put up a project plan with roles and responsibilities.

The Manager who was responsible for organizing the resources went out and got a ladder and a tape.The tape measure was just the ordinary tape of 6 feet.The lead manager assigned another manager to go on top of the pole and start the measure. They were falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures - the whole thing was just a mess.

An Engineer came along and saw what they’ were trying to do. He walked over pulled the flagpole out of the ground, laid it flat, measured it from end to end, gave the measurement to one of the managers and walked away.

After the Engineer went away, one manager turns head to another and laughs.“Isn’t that just like an engineer? We’re looking for height and he gives the length”

Moral: No matter how good(an) engineer you are, Manager always finds fault in you

Management Technique

2008-06-15T03:04:00.000-07:00

Once PVNR (PV Narasimha Rao), L.K.Advani and Laloo Prasad Yadav were travelling in an autorickshaw. They met with an accident and all three of them died.

Yama Raja was waiting for this moment at the doorstep of death.He asks PVNR and Advani to go to HEAVEN. But, for Laloo, Yama had already decided that he should be sent to HELL.

Laloo is not at all happy with this decision.He asks Yama as to why this discrimination is being made. All the three of them had served the public. Similarly, all took bribes, all misused public positions, etc. Then why the differential treatment?He felt that there should be a formal test or an objective evaluation before a decision is made; and should not be just based on opinion or pre-conceived notions.

Yama agrees to this and asks all the three of them to appear for an English test.

PVNR is asked to spell " INDIA " and he does it correctly.
Advani is asked to spell " ENGLAND " and he too passes.
It is Laloo's turn and he is asked to spell " CZECHOSLOVAKIA ".

Laloo protests that he doesn't know English. He says this is not fair and that he was given a tough question and thus forced to fail with false intent.

Yama then agrees to conduct a written test in Hindi (to give another chance assuming that Laloo should at least feel that Hindi would provide an equal platform for all three).

PVNR is asked to write "KUTTA BOLA BHOW BHOW". He writes it easily and passes.
Advani is asked to write "MYAUNBANDAR BOLA GUR.... ". He too passes.
Laloo is asked to write "BILLY BOLI MYAUN ." Tough one. He fails again.

Laloo is extremely unhappy. Having been a student of history (which the other two weren't),he now requested for all the 3 to be subjected to a test in historyYama says OK but this would be the last chance and that he would not take any more tests.

PVNR is asked: "When did India get Independence ?". He replied "1947" and passed.
Advani is asked "How many people died during the independence struggle?". He gets nervous. Yama asked him to choose from 3 options: 100,000 or 200,000 or 300,000. Advani catches it and says 200,000 and passes.
It's Laloo's turn now. ' ' ' ' ' ' '' ' ' ' '' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' Yama asks him to give the Name and Address of each of the 200,000 who died in the struggle.Laloo accepts defeat and agrees to go to HELL.

Moral of the story: IF YOUR MANAGEMENT HAS DECIDED TO SCREW YOU, THERE IS NO ESCAPE

Please a Women

2008-06-15T03:02:00.000-07:00

A group of girlfriends are on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only".

Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works.

"We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain." They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

Wish of Project Manager

2008-06-15T03:00:00.000-07:00

Three men: a project manager, a software engineer, and a hardware engineer are working on a project.

About midweek they decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach, they stumbled upon a lamp. As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says

"Normally I would grant you 3 wishes, but since there are 3 of you, I will grant you each one wish."

The hardware engineer went first. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in St. Thomas, with no money worries and surrounded by beautiful women who worship me." The genie granted him his wish and sent him on off to St. Thomas.

The software engineer went next. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean, with no money worries and surrounded by beautiful women who worship me." The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to the Mediterranean.

Last, but not least, it was the project manager's turn. "And what would your wish be?" asked the genie."I want them both back after lunch" replied the project manager.

2008-06-15T02:58:00.000-07:00

Best Break-Up Letter Ever

A soldier stationed in Afghanistan recently received a letter from his girlfriend back home.

It read as follows:

Dear Ricky,

I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice,since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us.I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.

Love,Becky..............

The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for anysnapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters or ex-girlfriends.In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the otherpictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies.There were 57 photos in that envelope.... along with this note:

Dear Becky,

I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the hell you are.Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back tome.

Women and the Frog

2008-06-15T02:52:00.000-07:00

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three 3 wishes."

The woman freed the frog. The frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes-that whatever you wish for, your husband will get ten times more or better!"

The woman said, "That would be okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to. The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me."

So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful woman in the world.

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said, "That will be okay because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."

So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, .........And she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them!

Women may stop here.

This is the end of the joke. Finish. Okay !!??

Men please scroll down
......
.......
.......
.......
.......
....... .
......
.......
.......
.......
........
.......
.......

The man will have 10 times milder Heart Attack !!!

Moral of the Story : Women are dumb at the same time so you can very easily mess with them!!!

Indians Live Happily in Hell Too.......

2008-06-15T02:49:00.000-07:00

A guy dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country.

He goes first to the German hell and asks "What do they do here?" He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day." The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on.

He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.

Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a very long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed he asks "What do they do here?" He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in?” "Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil was a software engineer, so he swipes the card, comes in, checks his mails and then goes to the cafeteria..."

Peaceful & Loving Couple

2008-06-15T02:47:00.000-07:00

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. What a peaceful & loving couple".

A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. "Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom on the Canyon by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled. My wife quietly said, "That's once".

"We proceeded a little further and the horse stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said, 'That's twice.' "We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled the third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.

"I started an angry protest over her treatment of the horse, while I was shouting; She looked at me, and quietly said, 'That's once'. "And we lived happily ever after"

Now you know the secret of a successful marriage.

Engineer Vs Doctors

2008-06-15T02:38:00.000-07:00

Engg. Vs Docs.

7 Engineers and 7 Doctors are going from PUNE toMumbai. So they both gather at Pune Station. Bothgroups are desperately trying to prove their superiority.

SCENE 1 (PUNE- MUMBAI) :---------------------------------------

7 engineers take only 1 Ticket and 7 doctors buy all7 tickets..Doctors are desperately waiting for TC to come......When TC arrives,All 7 Engineers get in one toilet SO when TC knocks ,one hand comeout with the ticket and the TC goes away....Doctorssay "Dekh lenge"NOW on return Journey All of them don't get a directtrain to PUNE. So they all decide to take a Passengertill Lonavala, from there they can easily get a LOCALto PUNE

SCENE 2 (MUMBAI - LONAVALA) :------------------------------------------------------

Doctors decided, "this time we will prove that we tooare equally SHAANE"....All 7 Doctors take 1 TicketEngineers don't buy any ticket at all!!!!!..TCarrives.... ALL DOCTORS IN ONE TOILET.ALL ENGINEERSIN THE OPPOSITE ONE..One engineer gets out and knocks the door of Doctorstoilet, One hand comes with the tickets, he takes theticket and comes in engg Bathroom...TC DRIVES out ALL the doctors from the toilet andthey are heavilyfined........ tai tai fissssssss..

SCENE 3 ( LONAVALA) :-----------------------------------------

SO now both the group r on LONAVALA station. Doctorsplanning their move for last chance, they board thelocal to Pune.This time doctors decide that they will play the same(1 ticket) trick.ALL Doctors take 1 tickets...Engineers BUY all 7tickets this time...SO TC Comes.. All Engineers showed their tickets.....Doctors are still searching for toilet in the LOCALtrain...........

Conclusion: WE technically intelligent ppl r genius,don't mess with us.

Smart Wife!

2008-06-15T02:32:00.000-07:00

Letter from husband (who is abroad) to wife

Dear Sweetheart:
I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses.
You are my sweetheart
Your husband
Allen

============ ========= ========= =========

His wife replied back after some days to her husband:

Dearest sweetheart,

Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.

1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.
2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.
3. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses instead of the rent.
4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him some other items...........
5. Other expenses 40 kisses

Please don't worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can complete the month using this balance.

Shall I plan same way for next months, Please Advise!!!

Your Sweet Heart

Wife and Husband

2008-06-15T02:31:00.000-07:00

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

God may have created man before woman,but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

Be a Lion in India :-)

2008-06-15T01:35:00.000-07:00

Be a Lion in India :-)

In a poor zoo of India, a lion was frustrated as he was offered not more than 1 kg meat a day.

The lion thought its prayers were answered when one US Zoo Manager visited the zoo and requested the zoo management to shift the lion to the US Zoo.

The lion was so happy and started thinking of a central A/c environment, a goat or two every day and a US Green Card also.

On its first day after arrival, the lion was offered a big bag, sealed very nicely for breakfast.
The lion opened it quickly but was shocked to see that it contained few bananas.

Then the lion thought that may be they cared too much for him as they were worried about his stomach as he had recently shifted from India.

The next day the same thing happened. On the third day again the same food bag of bananas was delivered.

The lion was so furious, it stopped the delivery boy and blasted at him, 'Don't you know I am the lion...king of the Jungle..., what's wrong with your management?, what nonsense is this?, why are you delivering bananas to me?'

The delivery boy politely said, 'Sir, I know you are the king of the jungle but .. did you know that you have been brought here on a monkey's visa!!!

Better to be a Lion in India than a Monkey elsewhere!

Attitude is everthing!!!

2008-06-15T01:30:00.000-07:00

An old man lived alone in Minnesota . He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work.His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his situation:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Son,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I hate to misdoing the garden, because your mother always loved planting time. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot.If you were here, all my troubles would be over.

I know you would dig the plot, for me if you weren't in the prison.

Love,Dad
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Shortly ,the old man received this telegram:
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------"For Heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up the garden !!

That's where I buried the GUNS!!"At 4 a.m.the next morning, a dozen FBI agents and local police officers showed up and dug up the entire garden without finding any guns.Confused,the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened and asked him what to do next.

----------------------------------His son's reply was:----------------------------------------"Go ahead and plant your potatoes, Dad It's the best I could do for you from here.

"NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE IN THE WORLD, IF YOU HAVE DECIDED TO DO SOMETHING DEEP FROM YOUR HEART, YOU CAN DO IT,. IT IS THE THOUGHT THAT MATTERS NOT WHERE YOU ARE.

Attitude is Everything.....

The Monkey with The Wooden Apples

2008-06-15T01:23:00.000-07:00

The Monkey with The Wooden Apples

There once was a happy monkey wandering the jungle, eating delicious fruit when hungry, and resting when tired.

One day he came upon a house, where he saw a bowl of the most beautiful apples. He took one in each hand and ran back into the forest. He sniffed the apples and smelled nothing. He tried to eat them, but hurt his teeth. They were made of wood , but they were beautiful, and when the other monkeys saw them, he held onto them even tighter.He admired his new possessions proudly as he wandered the jungle. They glistened red in the sun, and seemed perfect to him. He became so attached to them, that he didn't even notice his hunger at first. A fruit tree reminded him, but he felt the apples in his hands. He couldn't bear to set them down to reach for the fruit.

In fact, he couldn't relax, either, if he was to defend his apples. A proud, but less happy monkey continued to walk along the forest trails. The apples became heavier, and the poor little monkey thought about leaving them behind. He was tired, hungry, and he couldn't climb trees or collect fruit with his hands full. What if he just let go? Letting go of such valuable things seemed crazy, but what else could he do? He was so tired. Seeing the next fruit tree, and smelling it's fruit was enough. He dropped the wooden apples and reached up for his meal. He was happy again.

Like that little monkey, we sometimes carry things that seem too valuable to let go. A man carries an image of himself as " productive" - carries it like a shiny wooden apple. But in reality, his busyness leaves him tired, and hungry for a better life.Still, letting go seems crazy. Even his worries are sacred apples - they prove he's "doing everything he can ." He holds onto them compulsively.

Indo- American Custom

2008-06-15T01:20:00.000-07:00

An Indian migrated to America , and moved into an American neighbourhood;His American neighbour went next door to wish him welcome.

He was shocked to see the man from India in his nice backyard chasing ten chickens around like mad. "Must be an Indian custom," he thought to himself.Deciding he could put off the welcome till a later date, he went home.

The next day, he decided he was going to welcome the Indian man again.When he looked through his window, he saw the Indian man urinate into a cup and drink it. "Must be an Indian custom," he thought to himself. Deciding he could put off the welcome till the next day, he went on with other stuff.

The third day, he was determined to welcome the Indian man. At his gate, he saw the Indian man with his ear pressed against a cow's big fat butt.Seeing this, he became disgusted and went up to the Indian man."I'm sorry sir, I did want to wish you a warm welcome, but I cannot stand your crazy Indian customs!" He yelled at the Indian .

The Indian looked confused and answered. "Sorry sir, I think you are mistaken. These are actually American customs. I was told, that in order to be a true American, you have to chase chicks, get piss drunk, and listen to bullshit.

Difficult Judgement

2008-06-15T01:15:00.000-07:00

A Difficult Judgment

In a small town in America , a person decided to open up his Bar Business, which was right opposite to a Church. The Church & its Congregation started a campaign to block the Bar from opening with Petitions and prayed daily against his business. Work progressed. However, when it was almost complete and was about To open a few days later, a strong lightning struck the Bar and it was Burnt to the ground.

The Church folk were rather smug in their outlook after that, till The Bar owner sued the Church authorities for $2million on the grounds that the Church through its congregation & prayers was ultimately responsible For the demise of his bar shop, either through direct or indirect Actions or means. In its reply to the court, the Church vehemently denied all Responsibility or any connection that their prayers were reasons to The bar shop's demise. In support of their claim they referred to the Benson study at Harvard that intercessionary prayer had no impact!!!

As the case made its way into court, the Judge looked over the paperwork at the hearing and commented: 'I don't know how I am going to decide this case, but it appears From the paperwork, we have a bar owner who believes in the power of Prayer and we have an entire Church and its devotees that doesn't.'

"Truth is not known by men, but men are known by the Truth"

Success Formula

2008-06-10T08:43:00.000-07:00

There was a farmer who grew superior quality and award-winning corn. Each year he entered his corn in the state fair where it won honor and prizes.

One year a newspaper reporter interviewed him and learnt something interesting about how he grew it. The reporter discovered that the farmer shared his seed corn with his neighbours. "How can you afford to share your best seed corn with your neighbors when they are entering corn in competition with yours each year?" the reporter asked.

"Why sir, " said the farmer, "didn't you know? The wind picks up pollen from the ripening corn and swirls it from field to field. If my neighbors grow inferior, sub-standard and poor quality corn, cross-pollination will steadily degrade the quality of my corn. If I am to grow good corn, I must help my neighbours grow good corn."

The farmer gave a superb insight into the connectedness of life. His corn cannot improve unless his neighbor's corn also improves. So it is in the other dimensions! Those who choose to be at harmony must help their neighbors and colleagues to be at peace. Those who choose to live well must help others to live well. The value of a life is measured by the lives it touches.

Success does not happen in isolation. It is very often a participative and collective process. So share the good practices, ideas, new learnings with your family,team members, neighbours. Which will not benefit only you but organisation\community as a whole

Rajnikanth " The Real SuperStar"

2008-06-10T08:39:00.000-07:00

There is a popular story saying that wherever you go, you will find at least one Rajinikanth fan.Here is an interesting new story.

Rajinikanth was bragging to Jayalalitha one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

Tired of his boasting, Jayalalitha called his bluff, "OK, Rajini how about Tom Cruise?""Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it" Rajini said.

So Rajini and Jayalalitha fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts"Thalaiva! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!".Although impressed, Jayalalitha is still skeptical.

After they leave Cruise's house, she tells Rajini that she thinks Rajini knowing Cruise was just lucky."No, no, just name anyone else" Rajini says."President Bush", Jayalalitha quickly retorts."Yes", Rajini says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington ".And off they go.

At the White House, Bush spots Rajini on the tour and motions him , saying, "Rajini, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up".Well, Jayalalitha is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced.After they leave the White House grounds, he implores her to name anyone else."The Pope," Jayalalitha replies."Sure!" says Rajini, "My folks are from Germany and I've known the Pope a long time".So off they fly to Rome .

Rajini and Jayalalitha are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Rajini says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican .Sure enough, half an hour later Rajini emerges with the Pope on the balcony.

But by the time Rajini returns, he finds that Jayalalitha has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.Working his way to Jayalalitha's side, Rajini asks her, "What happened?"Jayalalitha looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, "Who's that on the balcony with Rajini?"

Real Trivandrum Guy

2008-06-10T08:31:00.000-07:00

An Indian guy is travelling around the Greek Islands. He walks into a bar and, by chance, is served by an Indian barmaid. As she takes his order, a Foster's, she notices his accent.

Over the course of the evening they get chatting. At the end of her shift he asks if she wants to come back to his place.Although she is attracted to him she says no. He then offers to pay her Rs.5,000 to sleep with him. As she is travelling around the world, and is short of funds, she agrees.

The next night the guy turns up again. Again he orders Fosters and after showing her plenty of attention, asks if she will sleep with him again for Rs.5,000. She remembers the night before and is only too happy to agree.This goes on for 5 nights.

On the 6th night the guy comes in again, orders Fosters but goes and sits in the corner. The barmaid thinks that if she pays him more attention then, maybe she can shake some more cash out of him. So she goes over and sits next to him.

She asks him where he's from in India. - "Trivandrum", he tells her.

So am I. Where in Trivandrum?" she enquires.
"Ulloor" he replies."

That's amazing..... ...." she says excitedly, "..........so am I - which Street?" "Prasanth Nagar" he replies.

This is unbelievable. ........" she says, her voice quavering."Which Building?" "ICICI", he replies.

She is totally astonished. "You are NOT going to believe this...... ",She screams, "but I'm from AR building ......2 buildings down the lane! My parents still live there!"

"I know..." he says, "Your Dad gave me Rs.25,000 to give to you".

The Moral of the Story..... A Trivandrum guy will not only screw you, but make you feel good while doing so..................

Mailcrafter > Love for Boss...Good one !

2008-06-10T08:23:00.000-07:00

In Memory of all those who love their bosses !

A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead."
I'm afraid he died last week." she explains.

The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss.
"I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week."

The next day he calls again and once more asks to Speak to his boss.

By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts,"I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND,YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"

He replied laughing,"I just love hearing it..."

Mail Crafter > Your Attitude.

2008-06-10T08:18:00.000-07:00

A little boy goes into a drug store, reached for a soda carton and pulled it over to the telephone.
He climbed onto the carton so that he could reach the buttons on the phone and proceeded to punch in seven digits.

Boy: " Maam , can you give me the job of cutting your lawn??Woman: "I already have someone to cut my lawn."

Boy: ? Maam , I will cut your lawn for half the price of the person who cuts your lawn now."

Woman: "Thank you, but I am very satisfied with the person who is presently cutting my lawn."However, the little boy was persistent.

Boy: " Maam , I'll even sweep your curb and your sidewalk, so on Sunday you will have the prettiest lawn in all of North-Palm beach, Florida .

"Woman: Thanks again, but I am sorry. I just do not find need for a change.With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver.

The store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy and said,"Son... I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job."

The little boy replied, "No thanks, I was just checking my performance with the job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady, I was talking to!"

Your ATTITUDE decides your ALTITUDE.

Math Teachers Love Letter

2008-06-10T08:16:00.000-07:00

My Dear Love,

Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in trigonometric lane. There I saw you with your cute circular face, conical nose and spherical eyes, standing in your triangular garden.

Before seeing you, my heart was a null set, but when a vector of magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians made a tangent to my heart, it differentiated.My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots, which only you can solve by making good binary relation with me.

The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity. I promise that I should not resolve you into partial functions but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits from zero to infinity.You are as essential to me as an element to a set.

The geometry of my life revolves around your acute personality. My love, if you do not meet me at parabola restaurant on date 10 at sunset, when the sun is making an angle of 160 degrees, my heart would be like a solved polynomial of degree 10.With love from your higher order derivatives of maxima and minima, of an unknown function.

Vijay Mallia " Kingfisher"

2008-06-10T08:10:00.000-07:00

After the Great Beer Festival in London, all the brewery bosses decided to go out for a beer.

The guy from Corona sits down and says, “Hey Señor! I would like the world’s best beer, a Corona.”The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and opens it for him .

The guy from Budweiser says, “I’d like the most refreshing beer in the world, give me ‘The King Of Beers’, a Budweiser.”The bartender serves him.

The guy from Coors says, “I’d like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors.”He gets it.

Vijay Mallaya sits down, looks around and says, “Give me a Coke.”The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.The other brewery bosses look over at him and ask, “Why aren’t you drinking a Kingfisher?”“Well,” says the Kingfisher Brewery Boss, “if you guys aren’t drinking beer, neither will I!”

Barbar Balan

2008-06-10T08:02:00.000-07:00

A guy sticks his head into a Balan's barber shop and asks, “How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looks around the shop and says, “About 2 hours.” The guy leaves.

A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, “How long before I can get a haircut?”Then Balan looks around at the shop full of customers and says, “About 3 hours.” The guy leaves.

A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, “How long before I can get a haircut?”Balan looks around the shop and says, “About an hour and half.”The guy leaves.

Balan looks over at a friend in the shop and says, “Hey, Arun , follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then doesn’t come back.”

A little while later, Arun comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically. Balan asks, “Arun , where did he go when he left here?”Arunlooks up, tears in his eyes and says, “Your house!”

Smart Women

2008-06-10T07:58:00.000-07:00

There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money.

He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I wanna take my money to the afterlife." So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money in the casket with him.

Well, one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black next to her closest friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said "Wait just a minute!" She had a shoe box with her, she came over with the box and placed it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away.

Her friend said, "I hope you weren't crazy enough to put all that money in the casket." She said, "Yes, I promised. I'm a good Christian, I can't lie. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him." "You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the casket with him?" "I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and I wrote him a check."

How to escape from Overspeeding Fine.

2008-06-10T07:49:00.000-07:00

A policeman was sitting on the hard shoulder watching the traffic go by when a car zoomed past him doing at least 130 mph!

The policeman chased him down, and pulled the car over.

He went up to the car and asked, "Do you know that you were doing at least 50 mph over the speed limit?

"The driver replied, "Was I officer, I'm terribly sorry but I wasn't aware of that."

The policeman said, "May I see your drivers license please?"

The man replied, "I don't have one officer.""Of course you do," said the policeman."

No sir, I don't," said the man."So why do you have this car?" asked the policeman."

This is not my car, I stole it," said the man."You are driving a stolen car?" said the policeman.

"Yes I'm afraid so sir,"Looking puzzled the policeman said, "Let me see the registration, so we can find out who it belongs to."

The man said, "There is nothing in the glove compartment except some candy, oh, and my gun.""Your gun!" exclaimed the officer, clearly worried by this point, as this man was obviously a lunatic."

So you don't have a drivers license, you stole this car, and there is a gun in the glove compartment!""Yes sir," said the man, "Oh and a body in the trunk."

"Jesus!" said the policeman turning white, "Ok so you have no drivers license, you have stolen this car, there is a gun in the glove compartment, and a body in the trunk?"

"Yes," said the man, sounding slightly irritated."Look," said the policeman, "You wait right here and don't touch anything! Don’t move, don’t even breathe."So the policeman ran to his car and radioed the station, "I want to speak to the chief," said the policeman, "And quick!"He waited about a minute and the chief came on the line, "What is it," he said."

I've got a man here, he is a complete lunatic he has very calmly stated that he is driving a stolen car, he has no drivers license, there is a gun in the glove compartment, and a body in the trunk," said the policeman."I’ll be right there," said the chief.

In ten minutes the man and the car were surrounded. There was the chief of police, a swat team, everybody you could imagine.The chief walks slowly to the car in his bulletproof vest and says to the driver, "Hello sir, ehm may I see your drivers license?""Of course," said the man, and produced it from his back pocket.Looking puzzled, the chief asked, "Is this your car?""Yes," said the man."Can I see your registration please sir?" asked the chief.

The man leaned over to open the glove compartment."Please don't open it sir!" said the chief."Why?" asked the man, "I thought you wanted my registration.""I do," said the chief, "But there is a gun in there.""Don't be silly," said the man, and he opened the glove compartment, empty apart from some candy."Let me get this right," said the chief, "You have a drivers license, this is your car and there is no gun in the glove compartment.""Yes," said the man,"And there is no body in the trunk, I suppose," said the chief."BODY!" exclaimed the man, "Why on earth would I have a body in my trunk?"

"Sir I apologize for this, but my officer told me that you had no drivers licence, you had stolen this car, you were in possession of a gun, and a body in the trunk."

"The lying fool, said the man, "I bet he said I was speeding as well!"